Listen to “A Girl”

dammit
she’s a girl
just a girl
not a pill to make my problems go away
not a destiny to make my credits roll
a girl
with her own issues and desires and dreams
more apart from me
than i’d admit to myself
she’s not what i look for her to be
because i’m looking for fiction
and she’s just a girl

is it fair to her if i’m just killing time until you’re mine?
is it fair to her if i’m just holding on until you’re gone?
but i won’t break her just to fix myself
what if she is the one?

i know you’re not, but you could be

she likes some parts of me but she wants to play the field
how long will she look until she finds me waiting here?
maybe never. what if she is fooled by something else?
she runs to me for help but feels up and disappears

God are you chasing me the way i chase the girl?
thinking of me and wishing i would realize
everything i’m looking for, you’re so eager to give
i love her. i love her, but she must decide…

is this some weak reflection of how God feels?
longing for a love that doesn’t leap into my arms…

i can’t be smart and i can’t be smooth
i can’t see me from your point of view
i’m only me and i’m afraid
i’m not the man God meant when He made

all this skin and sadness and a heart i just can’t find
i lost it to a girl i can’t get off my mind

He says He loves me, i don’t know why
He says it doesn’t matter how hard i try
i’m only me, i’ll never be more
He says just to drop His name at the door

so she may not love me
but i think i’ll be ok
i’m gonna let her go
till she’s the one that got away

your voice sways the curtains
soft as a breeze
so long since i’ve felt this
i miss you

poetry fails
words grind against
feelings i hide
i love you
and i don’t care
as long as you
as long as you
don’t leave.

intimacy the magic and the fury
of being for you what you are for me
i want to discover, till i can’t remember…
what it was like to have to wonder

your skin, fragile under sunlight
my lips against the sensative spots
the heat of closeness, we stare…
i trace lines through your hair

hands against you
words wait by the bed
what we’re making
can’t be said

shadows squeezed out by our light
making eternal this trembling night
and i close my eyes to hear you try
to feel the full effect of a heavy sigh

and then you laugh
and there we lie
and i never say
goodbye

guy meets girl and doesn’t stand a chance
i’ve sung this song, i’ve done this dance
where i stumble on the edge of hope and fantasy
and fall on reality eventually

but you’re almost enough that i believe
dreams come true and rabbits come from sleeves
and if you don’t know how amazing you are
i’ve half a mind to tell you

listen to mp3

if beggars can’t be choosers
how can i let you go?
i’ve never heard a yes but i’m
so quick to tell you no

for what? just a shadow i chase
a fantasy i’ve seen on tv
i’m starving but i’m passing on
what you put in front of me

i’m sorry maybe more than i know
but i’ve got to see where this road ends
so hate me if you have to
but i’m just gonna be your friend

you got drunk again last night
there was no one there to stop you
you danced for all the boys
because they dared you to

i’m ashamed that i was there
but i was so afraid
i convinced myself that they
were your mistakes to make

but i wonder where you woke up…

listen to mp3

i could tell you that i’ve never desired you
but then i couldn’t say i’ve never lied to you
i do not dream that we’ll end up together
i just don’t like the sound of never

i’m happy for you believe me that’s true
i smiled when i first heard
it’s hard to explain the way i feel
but i know how i should act

like it’s the best thing
the best thing
i should say it’s the best thing
that has ever happened…
to you.

i’m not angry, i’m not depressed
i just see you in your white dress
and something, somewhere misses you
the one i got too close to

i’m jealous of love in any form
i don’t want you, but what you have
of course you tell me “someday”
and of course i don’t believe you