crap dammit

i say crap and i say damnit
i say i lost it as if i had it
i can analyze and say i don’t care
truth is i’m still wanting to go out somehwere

all my complaining hasn’t taught me a thing
just like reading a a hymn doesn’t teach me to sing
but i have a car and a nights worth of fuel
but it sits unused cause life is so cruel

it’s that jealousy rising it’s taking it’s toll
my faith is laid waste by the pain in my soul
it sounds poetic and it sounds so dark
but truth is these times leave unerasable marks

i still want to go outside
and i still want to hide
will i ever learn that God wants the best
and stop chasing after the rest?

Add comment November 19th, 1999

tuesday

listen to the mp3

who is the villain on a Tuesday afternoon
when the talk we had is over too soon
my eyes sting, washed in regret
my ears echo, the words i can’t forget

now my words land like fists
on the face i would have kissed
and i know – it’s no use to hide the tears
andi know – i may not see you for years

my denial is my chosen path
her way – is to unleash her wrath
it’s too late to say i’m sorry
and i’m too proud to say i’m happy

so i stand and run to hide the tears
and i know i won’t see her your years
but i don’t want to leave it this way
honestly i just want to stay

Add comment November 8th, 1999

the hardest goodbye

listen to the mp3
she was turning right
i was waiting to turn left
i had to look away
to catch my breath

after all i’d been through
waking from a dream
still can’t shake the wish
ignore the feeling

cause she’s taught me much i could never know
lead’s me to places i could never go
she stole my heart when she caught my eye
she will be the hardest goodbye

i saw her follow through
on plans she’d made so young
and i won’t be there to hear
song dance off her tounge

she never chased desires
she surrendered to God’s hand
and now she is my reason
for following His plan

Add comment November 2nd, 1999

wanna give it away

listen to the mp3
there are whispers in the daylight
saying revolution starts tonight
so watch the sun slowly sink down
and forever change this town

my friends rage into the world
with a song or with the girls
and creation seems to click
for God’s chosen picks

but i just want to give it away
every choice and ever chance
release my tomorrows to the one who can see
trusting God will lead me – home

some people beg my advice
but i’m ready to roll the dice
i know that life could be good
if i just do what i should

tears are useless – this i know
they never show me where to go
yeah, i’ll have to choose someday
but God’s will can make a way

Add comment October 8th, 1999

thanks for trying

listen to the mp3

i cough and swallow -what did you say?
you repeat yourself -i kneel and pray

you wanna talk just you and me
what kinda secret could make me so happy?

sugar in my coffee – stirrin’ round
you say you’ve known the way i feel
up end the cup and i suck it down
this nightmare is unreal

but it’s my life now i confess my eye’s on you
at first i thought it was my youth but now i believe it’s true

it’s sad,
but i keep your message on the phone
it’s sad but i play it back
and i don’t feel so alone

so i can’t hide, or i never did
and now you confront me
i’ll just pay the check but
thanks for trying to let me down easy

i’ve been swinging around a bottle you just took out the cork
i’m a spy who lost his cover but still shows up for work

if this were the movies the credits would roll
but if this were the movies you would never have said no

i can’t leave this town for love that i’ve never given voice
i can’t stand to face you but i don’t have a choice

you feel bad about me, dont want it to be this way
so you ask me how i am
well what do you want me to say?

no risk and no rejection means no reward for me
funny, i didn’t take the chance and i lost it all playin’ safety

Add comment October 8th, 1999